Daed always had an expression of some kind that made me think that he was trying to convey a message in his way. Granted, most of these messages would have been things like "I like cheese." or "I really, REALLY like cheese. I'll do your taxes for some cheese".
Occasionally, though, he had some deeper expressions like "Take another picture and I'll chew your camera while you sleep"
This was all, of course, posturing as he would only chew on that which he was allowed (once he got past his teething, that is).
However, back to the original tangent, the original intent was supposing that Daed was still actively having the moments that seemed to require anthropomorphizing. It kills me to say that he is no longer with us.
Over the course of the past 2-3 weeks Daed had developed what turned out to be splenic tumors and liver failure. It came on very suddenly and even more quickly. He was running around and playing on Halloween weekend then, merely 10 days later, a vet is nonchalantly delivering the devestation.
Having been asked about the timing, I scheduled it for the next day as I knew there would be people that would want to say bye and that he should get at least a day of nothing but pampering, treats, affection and seeing as many of the people that he loves as he could.
And that's exactly what happened. Friends came over to see him off. We reminisced. We gently scolded him for things that were out of his control. We loved on him.
Later, I slept as close to him as possible, gave him love and treats as often as he'd take them and took care of anything that he needed. I foolishly attempted to go to work the next day (his time was to expire in the early evening) and I couldn't focus on anything other than him. I managed to almost get something done through noon when I emailed my boss what was going on and left.
Sidenote: the end of that email, verbatim, "I would have come to you and done this in person, but talking is not my strong suit right now".
My girlfriend and I spent the rest of the day taking care of the boy. She had just sat down with him on a blanket in front of the apartment when I drove up. Daed saw me and actually sprung to his feet. Mixed, I smiled and worried that he may hurt himself further. I got kisses that had been scarce as of late. More smiling.
As we got closer to the time, his breathing became shallow and rapid, he couldn't stand and wouldn't even eat chocolate (damned training!!). I was in the back of the SUV with him. As we approached the vet's office, he leaned into one last time to comfort me. He wasn't sure what he did, but he was sorry that I wasn't feeling good.
He mustered up the strength to stand for the last time and fumbled inside to lay down on the nice, cool tile. The vet and her assistant brought out a motorized lifting gurney and we were able to lift him by his legs to put him on it.
Once he was mildly sedated, we were brought back to see him. Having only 15% red blood cells left in his blood, the sedative took hold quickly. We had enough chance to let him know how much we love him and will miss him. His breathing at this point was back to normal. Of course that meant that he wasn't getting enough oxygen, but that was moot.
The final anesthetic was given. One hand on his head, one on his heart, I could feel it slowing down. Then nothing.
My heart dropped. My rock, my love, my sweet, sweet baby boy was gone and there was nothing anyone could possibly do about it now. The "woo woo" welcome was gone. The killer, dog-wagging tail was still. Delivery people would have to knock against silence.
Just in case you were wondering at this point, I loved that boy and miss him dearly. If, however, you were actually wondering that, you may just want to go back to drinking beer and surfing porn.
This will be an active blog, as long as I have memories of Daed that I feel that I want to share. I will even post as him when it seems appropriate. This is going to be a loving memorial of a dog who shaped my life and trained me to be the man I am today.
